What does THIS little picture tell ya, kids??
It tells you I know how to pick up a weight and use PhotoBooth.
BUT...
It also means I really HAVE been exercising...and if you'll notice, there's nothing on my forehead...like, say, BANGS.
Foreals! I haven't lost that 20 pounds yet - I'm not even close, really - but I'm actually ON the proper path. And I haven't gone anywhere near my forehead with scissors, tempting as it may be on a regular basis.
Let's interject here - my hairline SUCKS. I've considered buying that creepy powder for people with seriously thinning hair...y'know, to make it LOOK like there's more hair there at the scalp. I'll bet THAT really fools 'em.
But let's focus on the important shit here, which is: I'm actually sticking to things the way I said I would. I've started getting into a food plan that uses lots of fresh produce and weird concoctions I never would have thought of on my own. It's been fun to cook this stuff, and what's crazy is that it actually TASTES GOOD. Amazing.
So that's going to help in the fight against "I'm getting older so now I have to eat horrible diet foods to maintain my weight" - like, REALLY help. I'm not able to "diet" anymore anyway. The drive for that went out the window after the eating disorders business - once you make it out of those waters, you tend to wonder how you ever had the energy for it in the first place. So no dieting is ever going to work for me again. If I'm getting back into better shape, it's going to be by cooking fresh foods and getting some exercise, and it's not going to be a quick fix.
The slow results don't make for an exciting blog or experience, but I think my methods are working. "My methods" also involve not turning down comfort foods when I really have a craving, but I think I'm much more okay with that than with a quick and severe drop in weight - life is just way too short to cut out the stuff that's just plain FUN to eat. Knowwhutimsayin?
Now that fall's almost here, it's getting easier for me to exercise a little more. Kinda backwards, isn't it? I think it's because it's not 400 fucking million degrees out...or maybe it's because I saw what I look like in swimwear. I'm not really questioning it, though - I'm just gonna go with it.
I've discovered that I get awfully crafty when I'm sick. I've made countless pieces of jewelry and done some rather nifty dyeing and batiking while confined to my house, too. One thing I haven't done, however, is any form of exercise whatsoever. Eating well isn't too difficult for me, because I don't eat meat and I love a lot of stuff that's actually good for me. So fortunately that's not the big challenge. It's the damn exercise, and I did not a LICK of it all week.
Gah.
I should point out that, for a change, I actually feel antsy to get back on track with my daily activities of becoming less bloblike. (Not physically, just like...metaphorically. Or something.) I'm a busy enough person that, in the past, I might not really have noticed that I didn't make time for exercise all week. But not this time! This week, while sneezing and coughing like a 3-pack-a-day smoker (awesome feeling, btw), the actual desire to get some exercise nagged at me a little.
Bitches, that has GOT to count for something.
Something else: I'll admit I take some perverse pleasure in losing weight while sick. Come on, you know you've done this. But this doesn't seem to happen anymore. WTF? I thought that was like, the ONE perk of feeling crappy for a week. See, now I'm hearing the doctor saying "well, you ARE 38..." Is this another 38 thing? You don't get to put your skinny jeans on after you've been sick? Because come on, that's kinda bullshit.
Whatever, it seems I have to continue eating well and exercising. Apparently Mrs. Obama didn't get those delts by having the flu.
Here's my story, in a nutshell:
I'm kind of a quitter. My theory is that this is one of two things that happens when you're a little ball of stress as a child, then an adolescent, then a teenager. Some people become ambitious, and others become...well, lazy. I'd like to change that, at least a little. That's why I'm here.
One of my best friends just started a blog called Me On A Diet. This morning, I was rollerskating (you heard me correctly) and I thought, I need to copy Shaun. If he can publicly whip himself into shape - set his goals and then MAKE himself do it - then so can I. Right?
Maybe.
That's the thing about me: I start things, and I don't always finish them. I've quit just about every kind of lesson you can imagine...I've quit writing songs...I've quit recording them...I've quit ballet...I've quit the gym almost as often as I've joined it...Why? I don't know, but I have to quit.
I'm forcing myself to write down some thoughts so that by the end of 2010, I can say I've done a few of the things I wanted to do. That's why I'm here.
