ready, set, record...

What has two thumbs and wrote a song for the first time in like, 7 years? THIS lameass! Not only that...I've already recorded it. So, y'know, take that, Steely Dan.

Really, though...it's funny because it's so pathetic. No one who has previously written music on a semi-regular basis should sound PROUD of having written one song in this many years. It's embarrassing. But at the beginning of this blog, I said I was going to try to stop putting things off and letting things slide, and music was probably the biggest one of these "things." And it's still November. I swore I'd do it before my next birthday, didn't I? I think I did. I'm too lazy to scroll down to my earlier blog entries, so I'mma just take my word for it.

Writing has long been a way for me to manage the bullshit of daily life. In the past, I've written myself out of seemingly bottomless holes. Not all of the resulting songs were good ones - over the years, I've scrapped many of them. You outgrow them, or they become songs that someone else wrote a long time ago. But some of them have stayed. My challenge now is to find new words to join the old ones so that there's a new cache of music I enjoy playing in public. Playing in public again is a whole other hurdle, though...I'll get to it. One thing at a time.

still here...

It's been a while since I've had anything of remote interest to say...but I promised not to quit, so here I am, actively NOT quitting!


Three (3) things I haven't quit this summer:


1) Growing my bangs out: I've NEVER successfully done this, in my entire life, and I vowed I'd do it this time without getting so frustrated that I grabbed dull kitchen scissors and ended the misery. And guess what? The exact thing I hoped would happen is happening - my hair is becoming less of a pain in the ass. WHAT???


b) Trying to eat right and lose 20 lbs: Check it out, 2 lbs. lost! I know, that's kinda nothing, but it puts be back below that number that really freaked me out. And it's where I was 2 years ago. I'll get there...and maybe I'll realize 20 lbs. could be a little excessive. All I know is that I don't want to wake up at age 45 realizing that I slowly gained 15 pounds out of sheer laziness. If it's only 2 pounds here and there, that'll do.


iii) MUSIC! Honestly! I actually played a show this summer, and picked up my guitar...and PLAYED it. Amazing, considering. It gave me that mini ass-kick I've been looking for, and I'm actually inspired to get back to it. That's not saying a WHOLE lot, because there are still no new songs to show for it. But I was onstage again, and it felt right. I know I need to get back there more often, and I actually feel like I WANT to for a change.


Now for the things I HAVE quit, for the time being:


ANY AND ALL FORMS OF EXERCISE.


Yeah, I know.

Is it an iPod, or is it a time machine?

you should listen to this

So, I got back on the exercise routine gingerly last night (insert 'woot' here), and when I walk/run/whatever outside, I almost always have to set it to music. One thing about me and my music: every single second of every song is associated with some sort of memory, person, event, feeling, era-in-my-life...This is both a blessing and a curse. A song comes on, and I find myself mentally and emotionally submerged - almost completely - in whatever was going on in my life at the time I first heard that song. Sometimes this is fantastic, and sometimes it's a little like drowning...it's like having your insides instantly transported to another time and place while your body is still doing laps around the block. 


For instance: when I listen to Waylon Jennings, I'm back in early 2006, when I first started dating my husband (this time around). When I hear Wings, it's 1975 again and I'm a little girl at my grandparents' house, staying up late to watch Hockey Night in Canada with my Aunt Lynne. OR...it's November of 2000, and I'm trying to drive home in a blizzard that made national news. I got 5 city blocks in FIVE HOURS...and the only CD in my truck was Wings: Greatest Hits. Now, I love Wings. But after 5 hours of one CD, even the truck had had enough: the digital readout on the car radio read "HOT" and spit the CD right out.


Jeff Buckley's Grace generally gets skipped on the iPod because it brings me back to a really dark time, one of the few times in my life I really never enjoy revisiting. Belle & Sebastian's Books EP: the most beautiful boyfriend I had, and also the most disappointing. Any song by my friend Michael Oliver and his band Go, Dog. Go! brings me back to one of the happiest times in my life, and it also makes me a little wistful for those days. The Cardigans' First Band on the Moon is a stay in Los Angeles in the mid-90s, whereas their Long Gone Before Daylight record is a fun time and a really sweet boyfriend in the mid-"aughts."


Anyway, you see where I'm going with this. I could literally go on for hours.


I don't really have a point. It's just that I've noticed something while engaging in this whole exercise thing: it's always like hopping into a time machine, Bill & Ted style: with each song change, I'm back in the time traveling phone booth and whisked off to some different era. One lap around our block and I've already visited several places, spanning a number of years. It's almost a workout in itself.


So now let me leave you with Carol Medina's Secret Fantasy, arguably one of the cheesiest songs ever recorded. I mean, listen to it! But...all I think about when I hear it is being 23, 24 years old, going out at night with my then-boyfriend and - gasp! - dancing. Oh, and it also reminds me of when I first "met" one of my many movie boyfriends - this time, it was Jeremy Northam in The Net. ha! How's that for totally fucking random? 


Anyway, oddly enough, 1995 was one of the absolute darkest years in my life, marked by a descent into the hell of eating disorders and all the stuff that comes with that. But Carol Medina, Heart, "the fuckin' Eagles, man"...all the cornball music I listened to back then only brings me back to the good stuff from those days. And there was quite a lot, when I bothered to open my eyes and check it out. I don't know what the deal is with that, or why that music doesn't bother me the way I think it should. All I know is, I'm happy about that, and when this silly shit came on my iPod last night, I had to listen to it twice.

I don't know how to say this, but...

I don't have a hell of a lot to say. Surely this cannot come as a huge shock to any of the 12 of you following this somewhat sorryass blog. But some of you may be wondering, "what IS this blog for, anyway? Does SHE even know?" 

The answer is, hmmm...I'm not sure. The only thing that's certain here is that I'm attempting to remain focused on several goals I'd like to accomplish by the end of the year - and by stating these things in semi-public (or, again, to this select jury of 12), I'm hoping to hold myself to these goals. 

What are my goals for this year? I have just 2, but they're big: 

1. Get back in shape and shed 15 lbs;

2. Make some music and play some shows again.

I said it here, so I have to stick to it. That's my thinking, anyway.

The thing is, I don't have a whole lot to say about it all. So I'm finding myself wondering why the hell I'm "blogging" (god I hate that word as a verb) when I don't really have much to share with you kind folk on the innernettes. Will you forgive me if I post infrequently? Will you trust that I'm not quitting (on you or on myself) if I don't check in as regularly as most "normal" bloggers (wow, I hate it even more as an active noun)...? Am I a pretty big loser for thinking this is a good way to keep myself motivated?

Regardless of the answers to those questions, I'mma go ahead and post sporadically anyway. So THERE. I showed YOU.